If the Female Praying Mantis Can Decapitate Her Mate Mid-Sex, Why Can’t I Ghost My Situationship?

A field guide to red flags, ghosting, and why the animal kingdom proves women aren’t crazy... just evolved.

Welcome to the wild. Today, we observe one of evolution’s most tragic flukes: the heterosexual human woman, attempting to mate with a man who responds to her paragraph with “lol.”

She is a marvel of adaptive intelligence. She’s survived predators, processed trauma, and navigated family WhatsApp groups. And yet… here she is. Lying in bed. Ignoring every red flag like it’s a beige interior. Texting her ex back because he used a semi-colon.

Elsewhere in the animal kingdom, things are running far more efficiently. The female praying mantis mates and then decapitates her partner before he can start a podcast. The black widow doesn’t chase — she chews. Seahorses? The males carry the babies. And do it without needing to be told they're "so brave." Even clownfish change sex when needed. That’s real flexibility. That’s evolution.

Humans, though? We invented the situationship. A confusing pre-mating limbo involving blurry Snapchats, anxious attachment, and one man who thinks therapy is a government conspiracy. We’ve developed entire languages to decode his silence. And we call this romance.

At least the black widow never gets left on read. At least the mantis finishes the job.

Evolution Didn’t Design You to Wait for His Text

Let’s be clear: natural selection never favoured women who sat by the phone waiting for a man named Josh to “work on himself.” That is not adaptation. That’s social conditioning in mascara.

In nature, female power is the blueprint. Elephant herds are led by matriarchs with decades of wisdom and zero tolerance for bullshit. Certain reptiles skip men altogether and reproduce asexually, like, no thank you, we’ll handle it internally. Some species use parthenogenesis, literally cloning themselves when no viable mates are available. Meanwhile, you’re here Googling “how to be less intimidating” because a man who owns three pairs of joggers said you’re too much.

Human women get punished for behaviours that would make us apex queens in the wild. Independence? You’re “difficult.” Efficiency? You’re “cold.” Dominance? Now you’re “emasculating.” Animal kingdom females are celebrated for the exact traits we’re told to water down just to get a text back with proper punctuation.

You’re not unlovable. You’re just surrounded by men evolution would have left behind.

Ghosting is a Survival Instinct, Not a Character Flaw

Let’s retire the idea that ghosting is cruel. You know what’s cruel? Being emotionally breadcrumbed by a man who trauma dumps on the first date and then says he’s “not ready for anything serious.” You leaving is not an issue. It’s evolution. Ghosting, my love, is not a red flag. It’s a survival mechanism.

You’re not disappearing because you’re flaky. You’re disappearing because your nervous system clocked the red flags before your brain finished romanticising his Spotify playlist. That’s not instability — that’s intelligence. You are not maladjusted. You’re hyper-aware. You can read the emotional weather forecast in a man’s tone shift. You don’t need a fight. You need distance. So you vanish. Not out of fear. Out of practice.

We don’t vanish because we’re unstable. We vanish because we’ve adapted.

Calling it ghosting makes it sound childish. But sometimes, silence is the most advanced form of self-preservation. Sometimes, disappearing is the kindest thing you can do — for both of you. Especially when the alternative is staying somewhere that’s shrinking you.

You’re Not Crazy. You’re Wild.

They’ll call you crazy because they can’t name your power. Because it’s easier to label a woman hysterical than to admit she saw through you and left before you could waste her time. But you’re not crazy. You’re instinct. You’re warning. You’re wild.

If I had eight legs and venom, I still wouldn’t waste it on a man who calls me clingy.

I don’t want a love that survives evolution. I want one that deserves it.