I came here after reading it to leave a comment but now I’m realizing I’m actually speechless, there’s so much I could say, so much I want to say. But let me just say this: You wrote what I (and all the women I know) lived through but never were allowed to even think about, I had real, visceral tears slipping down my face while reading it, the last time I gave birth was almost 4 years ago, I only started recognizing myself in the mirror in the last few months. Reading this felt healing in a profound way. I’m eternally grateful for you for writing this piece.
I just exhaled in a way I didn’t know I needed. Thank you. What you wrote about only just recognising yourself after four years cracked something open in me. That delayed return to your own face? That’s the part nobody warns you about. I’m so glad this piece held something for you. Truly. You’re not alone in it, not anymore.
The most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life was watching my goddess-like daughter birth her two children without interventions. Afterward, she was like someone who climbed Everest or won a marathon. Now, I’ll be the first to say a lot about birth is luck — I wanted that kind of birth and didn’t get it. But also, you can make many choices that increase your chances of things going well.
I’m glad her experience was that strong and beautiful. Truly. But just gently: not everyone gets a choice, and that’s part of the issue. The problem isn’t people having good births, it’s acting like bad ones are always avoidable if you just manifest hard enough. Sometimes the horror isn’t lack of strength, it’s lack of care. And that part isn’t luck, it’s systemic.
When I gave birth to my youngest son I screamed like a crazed hooligan for three hours because the doctor refused to give me pain medication.
He told me to hold the baby in because I wasn't physically ready for the birth. I panted and held on for dear life but the baby wanted out.
Another mother begged her husband to take her home when she heard my blood curdling screams.
Because I couldn't breathe normally my baby wasn't getting oxygen and the fool decided to give me an episiotomy to allow the birth. He left immediately after, leaving a student nurse to sow me up.
I suffered from post natal depression after this horror. It was months before I formed a bond with my son.
My oldest son's birth was a breeze compared to this. Because I had a caring and competent doctor to assist me.
I felt that in my teeth. That wasn’t birth, that was medical negligence dressed in hospital scrubs. And I hate how many people are quietly carrying horror like this, as if it’s just part of the fine print. You deserved compassion. You deserved care. And the fact you even can bond after that is a testament to your resilience, not their system.
Epidural shots can sometimes cause back pain that lasts for weeks. My ex has told me that no epidural (with our third and last child) was an improvement over getting them with the previous two, due to the aftereffects. She said it doesn't really make all that much difference with the pain of childbirth, and foregoing it with our youngest daughter led to less pain in recovery.
I can only offer her my respect. I wouldn't want to experience that kind of pain, ever.
Oooof. Mic drop. Thank you for sharing 🙏 very relatable after planning a home birth and ending up with a c-section because Canada doesn’t support natural breech births.
This is so real! I feel so many people pitch pregnancy and birth in this ethereal way and you’ve for me nailed the reality and I agree other than the occasional super hippie friend most people I know also hated it!
Exactly. And good for the super hippie friend. But as we know, the rest of us women are out here with internal stitches and intrusive thoughts being told to do skin-to-skin and smile for Instagram. The real birth story isn’t whimsical. It’s blood, bones, and a recovery that nobody claps for.
That level of honesty is a public service. It really is. Because nobody warns you that birth can break things you don’t get back. Not just your body, but your whole sense of self. I’m sorry you weren’t told the truth sooner. But thank you for saying it now.
YES. God this made me feel seen. I had it pretty good with my births in the Canadian healthcare system and it was still so hard. The idea that pain relief makes you less strong is so internalized. And postpartum AND prenatal mental health needs so much attention and destigmatization.
Yes, yes, yes. It’s that quiet shame that seeps in when everything seems fine on paper, but your body’s still processing shock. And the “no meds = more empowered” myth needs to be retired permanently. Survival is strength. Period. No medals required.
“Most of the women I know weren’t prepared. Not because they’re naive, but because no one told them the truth. Because to tell the truth about childbirth would be to admit how horrific it often is.” <— this. I was incredibly traumatised. But because no-one prepared me, and then I was shoved straight on the “happy mum” train, I wasn’t allowed to feel any of it. The saddest part is that so many women are caught up in perpetuating the myths of birth and new motherhood. My NCT teacher was one. She told me lies and got paid for it. This is a brilliant article… one I will save and read again. Thank you for putting it all into such eloquent, powerful words 🌹
It’s a book about childbirth — the dark side that no one talks about, usually. It’s well researched and cited throughout. I heard the author speak a while back and read her book. It’s one of those that just sticks with you. Once you know you cannot un-know!
This might be the highest compliment I’ve ever received. I’m going to get it printed on a t-shirt and wear it to family functions. Thank you for this absurd gift.
I came here after reading it to leave a comment but now I’m realizing I’m actually speechless, there’s so much I could say, so much I want to say. But let me just say this: You wrote what I (and all the women I know) lived through but never were allowed to even think about, I had real, visceral tears slipping down my face while reading it, the last time I gave birth was almost 4 years ago, I only started recognizing myself in the mirror in the last few months. Reading this felt healing in a profound way. I’m eternally grateful for you for writing this piece.
I just exhaled in a way I didn’t know I needed. Thank you. What you wrote about only just recognising yourself after four years cracked something open in me. That delayed return to your own face? That’s the part nobody warns you about. I’m so glad this piece held something for you. Truly. You’re not alone in it, not anymore.
❤️
The most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life was watching my goddess-like daughter birth her two children without interventions. Afterward, she was like someone who climbed Everest or won a marathon. Now, I’ll be the first to say a lot about birth is luck — I wanted that kind of birth and didn’t get it. But also, you can make many choices that increase your chances of things going well.
I’m glad her experience was that strong and beautiful. Truly. But just gently: not everyone gets a choice, and that’s part of the issue. The problem isn’t people having good births, it’s acting like bad ones are always avoidable if you just manifest hard enough. Sometimes the horror isn’t lack of strength, it’s lack of care. And that part isn’t luck, it’s systemic.
When I gave birth to my youngest son I screamed like a crazed hooligan for three hours because the doctor refused to give me pain medication.
He told me to hold the baby in because I wasn't physically ready for the birth. I panted and held on for dear life but the baby wanted out.
Another mother begged her husband to take her home when she heard my blood curdling screams.
Because I couldn't breathe normally my baby wasn't getting oxygen and the fool decided to give me an episiotomy to allow the birth. He left immediately after, leaving a student nurse to sow me up.
I suffered from post natal depression after this horror. It was months before I formed a bond with my son.
My oldest son's birth was a breeze compared to this. Because I had a caring and competent doctor to assist me.
Thank you for this post!!
I felt that in my teeth. That wasn’t birth, that was medical negligence dressed in hospital scrubs. And I hate how many people are quietly carrying horror like this, as if it’s just part of the fine print. You deserved compassion. You deserved care. And the fact you even can bond after that is a testament to your resilience, not their system.
Epidural shots can sometimes cause back pain that lasts for weeks. My ex has told me that no epidural (with our third and last child) was an improvement over getting them with the previous two, due to the aftereffects. She said it doesn't really make all that much difference with the pain of childbirth, and foregoing it with our youngest daughter led to less pain in recovery.
I can only offer her my respect. I wouldn't want to experience that kind of pain, ever.
Oooof. Mic drop. Thank you for sharing 🙏 very relatable after planning a home birth and ending up with a c-section because Canada doesn’t support natural breech births.
holy fuuuuuuuuck. what a read.
This is so real! I feel so many people pitch pregnancy and birth in this ethereal way and you’ve for me nailed the reality and I agree other than the occasional super hippie friend most people I know also hated it!
Exactly. And good for the super hippie friend. But as we know, the rest of us women are out here with internal stitches and intrusive thoughts being told to do skin-to-skin and smile for Instagram. The real birth story isn’t whimsical. It’s blood, bones, and a recovery that nobody claps for.
I feel so seen. Giving birth to my kids ruined my brain and body for life. If I knew then what I know now, I would have tied my tubes at 21.
That level of honesty is a public service. It really is. Because nobody warns you that birth can break things you don’t get back. Not just your body, but your whole sense of self. I’m sorry you weren’t told the truth sooner. But thank you for saying it now.
Oh my goodness. So well written 🥰🥰
if i didn't want to have kids now, i definitely don't want them later, period!
Such a mood lol haha
I KNOW
your latest essay was ENLIGHTENING
that keyboard was in a standing ovation I JUST KNOW
YES. God this made me feel seen. I had it pretty good with my births in the Canadian healthcare system and it was still so hard. The idea that pain relief makes you less strong is so internalized. And postpartum AND prenatal mental health needs so much attention and destigmatization.
Yes, yes, yes. It’s that quiet shame that seeps in when everything seems fine on paper, but your body’s still processing shock. And the “no meds = more empowered” myth needs to be retired permanently. Survival is strength. Period. No medals required.
“Most of the women I know weren’t prepared. Not because they’re naive, but because no one told them the truth. Because to tell the truth about childbirth would be to admit how horrific it often is.” <— this. I was incredibly traumatised. But because no-one prepared me, and then I was shoved straight on the “happy mum” train, I wasn’t allowed to feel any of it. The saddest part is that so many women are caught up in perpetuating the myths of birth and new motherhood. My NCT teacher was one. She told me lies and got paid for it. This is a brilliant article… one I will save and read again. Thank you for putting it all into such eloquent, powerful words 🌹
This wasn't the erotica I was hoping for. 😐
Anti-natalist forever.
Damn. Hit the nail on the head! Have you read the book Pushed by Jennifer Block?
Definitely something I felt needs talking about more! And no, I have not. What is it??
It’s a book about childbirth — the dark side that no one talks about, usually. It’s well researched and cited throughout. I heard the author speak a while back and read her book. It’s one of those that just sticks with you. Once you know you cannot un-know!
Thank you for letting me know. I will purchase the book now and give it a read! Always best to educate yourself further on topics like this💗
I 100%. Please let me know what you think of it! Feel free to dm me or reply here. These discussions are necessary to bring about change!
This might be the highest compliment I’ve ever received. I’m going to get it printed on a t-shirt and wear it to family functions. Thank you for this absurd gift.