19 Comments
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Lisa Chambers's avatar

I literally received a dick pick by my father’s deathbed. So I sent a picture of my father’s deathbed and he had the audacity to be angry. It was such an erection killer he blocked me. 🥰

To be fair, his d was perfect from past experience, but attached to man who secretly created a Pinterest page with an entire folder of looks he had curated because he wanted me to be more conservative. I was livid when I saw a peach blazer + white skinny jeans combo. He had planned our outdoor wedding with colors pink and mint green.

What a twat. If you’re out there, Noel, unblock me so I can offend you anew.

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ruthie's avatar

Oh you guys get pictures from the actual man ur talking to, instead of him finding a random one on the internet and pretending it’s his? Or is that just me..?

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A.V. James's avatar

That happened to a friend of mine. Guy sent her a D pic but turns out it was a screenshot because he forgot to crop the top out all the way. The search was “big cocks” 💀

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Corathy's avatar

Thank you. This made me laugh so hard. You are incredible!

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Dr Roha's avatar

A new nervous system 😂😂 poor Garry and his lukewarm genitalia 😂😂👏👏

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Emma Matthews's avatar

Maybe we should start a naming and shaming account/web page/billboard chain. Because as soon as they realize we're showing their tiny, shriveled little pee-pees to the world at large, including their mums, nans, and everyone they work with - other men included - they'll be crushed.

Probably. 😁

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Dana Walker Inskeep's avatar

I’m pretty sure these exist already but must stay well hidden because the collective, tender widdle feewings of pATriArChY are so fragile. 😇

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Tara Deacon's avatar

LOL this is sooo freaking funny!! I recently just made a similar article 🤣😂🤣 yours is sooo good i subscribed after reading it 😆😆😆

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Divya B Kumar's avatar

I love how you handled this topic sarcastically. I've also received a few😂 once I came to social media. I've mentioned about it in one of my earlier posts.

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Nat Power's avatar

This is hysterical. I started with my partner well before dick pics were a thing but I am 100% sure he would agree that sending a dick pic would be a mighty turnoff. Gross

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Bill Denson's avatar

Hey couldn't agree more! And this coming from an owner of a penis. 🤣

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Stephanie Marie's avatar

😂 pure gold

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Healing Out Loud's avatar

Lmao 🤣 I was on tinder for 48 hours in 2014 and had more dick pics than I can recall. It was incomprehensible. I had to delete the app.

Not once have I woken up and thought, hmm, you know what would really go well with my coffee? Kyle’s unsolicited peen.

I got one a couple months ago on Snapchat before I realized I could turn quick add off. Replied with a picture of duo saying “let’s review your mistakes!” and told him he should scrub his phone because child 🌽 is illegal.

I don’t comment about people’s bodies… unless you assault my eyeballs with an unsolicited picture of your one eyed weasel. Then all bets are off. Put it away. 🤮

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Taylor V's avatar

Seeing a new article from you always brightens my day. Did I expect this to be the topic, absolutely not, but you had me laughing with each metaphor. I like your idea about dick pics having warnings attached to them. All those guys who send unsolicited pics are all very egotistical who think they wield the key to a woman's heart.

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Crimson's avatar

Imagine being so dumb you think that women will like it lol 😂 what have we done to these men

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Dana Walker Inskeep's avatar

Not sure how I should react to knowing that this far-too-common behavior extends beyond the hellscape that is currently known as the USA. I DO know that surprise isn’t warranted. Gah.

Jessica, every single piece you write is absolutely f*cking brilliant. When you’re finished the first draft of your novel, I hope you’ll do me the honor of considering me to edit it for you.

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AnonymousSunflower ☀️'s avatar

I love dick pics. I have a group chat with my gfs and we all add all the unsolicited dick pics we receive. Then we laugh at the clowns who send them and make fun of their ugly dicks

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Vince Roman's avatar

So beautiful I love cocks

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