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here, hold my coffee's avatar

Found myself nodding in agreement through this entire piece. Especially the parts about not being too much when your by yourself (so fucking conditioned to stay small - until recently, shame would creep up and I would forget my own pleasure and dial back the moans) and the part you mentioned that this epidemic amongst all groups of people. I love having sex with my partner. I love pleasuring her and I love being pleasured. But she's mistaken my arousal (and validated that insecurity of being too much) for being too much like a corny teenage boy who gets off when the wind blows. Thank you for normalizing the imperfections of this topic.

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Jessica Mills's avatar

God yes. The part about forgetting your own pleasure mid-moan? That hit. We’re so trained to shrink (even alone) that we end up editing our orgasms like it’s a live broadcast. And honestly, your point about your partner mistaking desire for performative horniness? Nailed it. It's wild how fast our realness gets misread as excess. You’re not too much. You’re just not hiding anymore. That’s power.

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Joey Hespe ✨'s avatar

Hands down one of the best articles I’ve read on Substack.

“That’s what the male gaze does—it doesn’t need to be present to police you. You carry it in your brain like a corrupted USB file, glitching every time you just want to feel something without staging it for male approval.” Wallop.

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Jessica Mills's avatar

Stopppp I’m framing this. Seriously. That means so much. I write these pieces fully feral, heart in one hand and rage in the other, so knowing it landed like that? You’ve made my week🖤

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Joey Hespe ✨'s avatar

Honestly, my gf (who is also a writer) and I were talking today at coffee (while planning our new publication) about how good your writing is and how much we enjoy it. Please keep sharing your feral, heart in one hand and rage in the other articles!

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Blair Lumsden's avatar

Brilliant. The first time I’ve ever read a true and honest extrapolation of the performative tension I’ve felt my whole life around sex.

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Nikki's avatar

Okay, for once I will say there is one thing I'm happier about being older. I definitely related to all of this. Been there, done that, skipped the t-shirt. But now, at my age, I don't give a fuck! I enjoy sex, I still look hot in my lingerie and I'm way more flexible than most women my age, so he better just keep up! (Have faith.. it gets better!) And damn girl, crank up your stereo and ring your bell as loud as you want! 😉 We deserve that much!

Excellent piece!

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Treading Water's avatar

Just brilliant!!! So damn relatable 🫡

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Jessica Mills's avatar

Thank you thank you! Appreciate you being here 🖤

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Treading Water's avatar

You’re welcome, I appreciate you too 🫡

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